There’s simply no reason or desire to sugar coat it.
My husband was recently diagnosed with Stage 3, Adenocarcinoma Esophageal Cancer. It’s a regional cancer that has spread to a few lymph nodes but not to any distant organs.
We were shocked. He’d been experiencing heart burn for the last month but it was getting worse, and it was accompanied by strange hiccupping. I’ve been a worrier my whole life but this wasn’t an outcome I worried about. This kind of cancer is so rare and the symptoms could have been a number of things — but it turns out it was the worst possible outcome.
All I can do is compare it to this.
Imagine you are in the middle of a crowded market place. Perhaps you’re holding a basket, and you’re smelling flowers, and you’re surrounded with loved ones. Everywhere you look you see abundance and vitality.
You’re looking forward to only good things. The warmth of the sun on your shoulders. An afternoon picking out delicious treats. A long, carefree evening surrounded by those you love and the things you most enjoy.
Shockingly, a bomb goes off right next to you. As concussive ringing in your ears distracts you, you look around you. You’re in a daze as you take inventory and try to center your feet, not knowing if there are more blasts and destruction to come. Your loved one is hit hardest, and life is suddenly a big triage scene.
And then there is life before cancer. And that after.
The news came to us on my 54th birthday and now, two weeks to the day later, many of my birthday cards remain unopened, as if I’m hoping for a birthday re-do. One that ends with red wine and snuggles and not pictures of unexpected tumors and dreaded phone calls.
I know I haven’t been checking in here much of late. Life had been getting increasingly complicated of late before this, and now I realize our biggest challenge yet still awaited us.
I have so much to tell you all, and yet so little. The odds are unclear but we’ve heard of many survivors who are 10 years cancer free. Team Kline is going to hit this as ferociously and furiously as we can.
And so when I check in here it may look more like foods like this
and this
and views of our waiting rooms
and future chemo/radiation room reading
than it is the likes of this.
(David’s esophagus is currently partially blocked with tumors and so he’s limited to mostly soft foods with occasional firmer foods like sausages or prawns. I’d love pointers if you have them about chemo/radiation diets).
Can it really be that just last month everything was not perfect but blissfully normal?
Yes, but life is like that. Everything can change in a minute and all we can do is fight hard and love even harder.
I keep reminding myself there are 4 Klines and 1 Cancer — and a near boundless community of friends, families, and virtual friends hither and yon. And I feel the strength and love of so many of you who already know and scooped up me and mine and showered us with love. And flowers. And wishes and prayers and granola
and banana bread and flowers and recommendations and wine and bone broth and books and journals and so much more.
In the meantime, I’ll be passing on these kindnesses. Count on me to continue to feed those that can eat and need sustenance — emotional or physical.
And yesterday’s dog walk in a vacant lot has reminded me of an important lesson.
Wherever you go, look closely.
Even in the ugliest of spots,
there is beauty to be found.
XO Sarah
Oh dearest Sarah. I’m so sorry to hear this terrible news. Thinking of you and David and the children. Much love, Raina
True to form- your creativity finds the beauty between the pain. Sending love to you all and will call you.
We love you, Klines.
You are stronger than you know and loved more than you can ever imagine.
We’re all here for you.
KlineStrong
Dear Sarah, I’m in shock for and with you. How do we lift you up, pour love to you and your family. We are wishing to soothe your fears and we can’t, but know that
Our lives are a challenge and you are up to it. Call on your dearest and they will be with you.
My love and blessings to you and yours Nucki
Kind thoughts and a warm hug to you and your family. ❤️
Oh Sarah–we live down the street from Kathy and Fritz. My heart is so heavy on so many ways. we will support your Mom as best we can and hold you ALL in our prayers. I have a good ear. If you need something–CALL 949-496-8640
Sarah, there are no words I can say that will take away the pain and anger you’re feeling right now. But, please know this, I’m here for you, for your family, if only to tell you, you can fight this!
Also know, that I’m a very good listener, too. So if you ever want to, please email me.
I’m sending my very best hugs & a ton of love and understanding your way.
~ Lacy
2 time cancer fighter
Cancer SUCKS! With all the love and support plus excellent medical treatment your husband is receiving/will receive, I hope he is blessed with complete recovery. Big hugs from Texas, Mary
I put my money on Team Kline! And we are all here to back you up. Love you 4 so much and hold you in our thoughts every day.
Sending up prayers for strength and courage as the Kline 4 and an excellent medical team kick cancer to the curb.
Love and strength…lean on me 🧡
Will do, pal — starting with poke today. 🙂
Oh, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I was kind of wondering where you and those bright red lips and big smile were….thank you for sharing. A lot of us out here feel like we know you and we care about you and we support you. You might not know we are out here but we are. Cyber hugs!
Jennifer, your note brought me to tears; to feel supported and loved and emboldened by some I’ve never met fills me with immeasurable gratitude and strength. Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to uplift me– for that I am so so appreciative. XO Sarah
Oh Sarah and David, I am so sorry to hear this news. I will be keeping you all in my prayers and I know you are all absolutely going to beat this. Sending all strength and love to you. XOXO
Alicia, I know we haven’t seen each other for a while but I’ve known you as long as we’ve been in Portland so your good wishes and prayers means the world. Let’s grab that coffee/sammie soon. XO
Sarah, It has been a long time since I have “chimed in.” I have loved each and every blog. Just tonight, I was speaking to my hubbie about your dad (while we dined at The Balboa, our Friday go-to.)
So sorry to get your news. Please know I am thinking of you and your family. I am a very positive thinker! I feel as if I know all of you from your wonderful communication over the years.
Hugs from San Francisco, Laura
Sarah, I’m sorry to read this news. I’m sending love to your family and praying for strength and a full recovery for David.
Elizabeth, it’s been forever! Love to connect at some point. Shoot me off an email or text number at olivebred@aol.com or portlandsampler on IG. Love!
Hello Sarah, I am sending this for a second time as I think first reply did not go!
I have not “chimed in” for a long time, but have been enjoying every one of your blogs.
I was so sorry to get this news. I was just speaking to my hubbie tonight about your dad (while at The Balboa, our Friday go-to restaurant.)
I feel as though I know your family from all the years of reading Portland Sampler.
I am a very positive thinker and am sending hugs to you all. Laura
Laura, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’ve reached out before and especially now. I’m so glad that my Dad has such a positive and compassionate light in his life in you. Let’s keep in touch, and again thank you! Sarah
Wishing I was closer so I could shower you with treats, flowers, and hugs as you do for so many. Lots of love coming your way xoxo
Sheila, I feel your love and support. Let’s connect next time you’re in Portland! Hugs, Sarah
Sending prayers your way.
I have enjoyed your blog so much and your generosity has inspired me. Please know I am sending good thoughts and caring. Just know you are all surrounded by so many people who care….in your life and through your blog.
Tracy, do we know each other? I feel like I’ve met so many Tracy’s recently and I’m curious if you are one of them. Nonetheless, I’m so grateful that you’ve reached out to me with your uplifting thoughts. Tell me your happiest stories of sharing if and when you get the chance (I’m a particular sucker for the random act of kindness ones!). Much love! Sarah
Sarah.. my dear niece,
Sad and so deeply sorry to hear your news and my heart goes out to you at this time. You are in my thoughts and I am sending positive thoughts at this difficult time . Much love to you, David, Oliver and Charlotte. Sandy
Hello dearest Auntie, I love you so much. Hugs back to you and I will be in touch. XO, Sarah
No doubt about it, CA sucks!!! Prayers and positive thoughts for an easy recovery for David and strength for the family. I am so sorry this has struck your family. Hugs.
Nancy, I’m guessing you know of which I speak. I was shocked to hear the prevalence of cancer in our world. Is it true that almost 40% of Americans will be hit by a cancer at one point in their lives? Thanks for kind words and hugs back to you and yours.
you certainly don’t know me, but i have the lovely advantage of ‘knowing’ you and your dear family through your wonderful posts. please feel my support and i am sending you all strength and courage, which you already possess abundantly.
huge hugs,
t.
Tracy, thanks so much for chiming in. This one-way mirror of writing is so odd sometimes, but I’ve come to appreciate so much when people reach out to me. Being connected to good, loving, empathetic souls means the world. Best to you. Gratefully, Sarah
Sarah – so terribly sorry to read this. Our family is pulling for your husband; I have a feeling it’s not smart money to bet against “Team Kline,” which is so full of a great generosity of spirit, each and every one of you.
Connie, appreciate your vote of confidence and the kind kind words. It means the world when I hear from all of you. XO, Sarah
It is amazing how life is chugging along and all is well and then BAM the unexpected happens. Team Kline and that amazing circle of friends you have…an army to keep you strong. Biggest of hugs, thoughts and all that coming your way…always here for you too.
xoxoxo
p.s. cancer sucks.
Laurie, thanks for the offer of support and friendship, always. I’ll be in touch.
As a long time reader of your blog I just want to say how sorry I am to hear this. You are right, life is cleaved between two time lines now, before and after. But remember, there IS an after. You will all get through this and the love and support of family and friends is crucial. Ask for the help you need. I’m rooting for you all.
Sandy, it sounds like you’re someone who truly gets it. Thanks for reminding me of a light at the end of this terribly dark tunnel and the importance of getting help. Love, Sarah
We’re thinking of you all and sending so much love and positive thoughts and strength.
Allie and Ciaran, dearest of IG buddies/in-laws. Thanks so much for reaching out and your best wishes. Best of luck with your Portland Maine adventures — I had the sense you’d end up there and it sounds like the perfect match. XO -Sarah
Reading your blog, I feel like I’ve come to know the Kline family and what am awesome family you are! Team Kline, know you are in my heart and prayers. Healing thoughts and positive energy coming right to you.
That’s so kind of you to say, Joan. It’s so strange to put words out in the world and know who you’re reaching. Thank you so so much.
Dear Sarah and Family, I am so sorry to hear this news. I know exactly what your are carrying at this time. My son has been fighting melanoma cancer for sometime and was re elevated yesterday to stage 4 once again. I am sharing some tears with you as I write these words. May I share these words of hope to you. Over a year ago my brother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of one of his tonsils. The cancer spread into the lymph nodes of his throat and mouth. He is now one year cancer free and doing fine. I know these words will not allay your pains and fears, but at least we know were in a time that our medical system can deal much better with this dreadful and cruel illness. I will pray for you, David, and your children. I admire your compassion to turn outwardly to help others, rather than inwardly to yourself. Hold tight Sarah, your not alone, love leonardo
Leonardo, Wow. Thanks so much for sharing your very personal story and it’s heartbreaking what you’ve gone through with your son already with more struggles still ahead. I love stories of hope– we need them so badly– and we will hold them close as we face big struggles ahead. May your own son find his own recovery soon — I can’t imagine your own difficulties. Much love back to you and yours, Sarah
A beautiful heartrending post, Sarah…keeping you all in my heart. The strength of all the love in your family is powerful medicine. Sending you more..💜
Deb
Hello Deb, Thanks for keeping us close. I’m so grateful for all of you. -Sarah
Dear Sarah,
How many times has your lovely blog perked me up on a bad day? Your Instagrams have done the same. I wish I could send you and your family something more than prayers, love and good wishes. I wish I could send you bobotie, and koeksusters!
Caroline, every single one of these comments– including yours!– perks me up immeasurably. Thanks so much for the good wishes. I’m not sure what bobotie and koeksusters are but I have a feeling I could use them. XO
Dear Sarah, Long time follower here who grew up in Portland and has so enjoyed following all the interests you have shared with your readers. I was so saddened to read this post and send you love, strength and all my positive thoughts as you deal with this.
Dear Sarah and David:
Lisa just told me that you had written this Blog post. As usual, you deliver news in your own unique voice. I was not this cogent when we started this trip in 2004. I made it 11 tears in Stage 3A and am about halfway through my fourth year since my B C metastasised to my bones.
Medical research in cancer has yielded many new treatments and drugs that improve our quality, and quantity of life. Continuing to hold all of you close to my heart and in my prayers.
Too bad I sold my home in Bethesda—I would have loved yo host you and Oliver when you visit GW University this week. However, you will pass by GWU Hospital, where Josh was born!
Much love to all of you! Elizabetb
Elizabeth, I love you so much. I’m with you every day in spirit, in solidarity. It’s not a sisterhood I would have wished for us, but here it is. Come back to Portland — I’ll make you lunch. Or dinner. Or both. XO
Dear Sarah,
My heart goes out to you. I read of your adventures in my
hometown from afar and usually make note of places I must
go in the NE part the next time I visit. Sending you strength
and courage and all my positive thoughts. Marie
Love, and Love, and Love.
And Breathe
Together
Hey Jill, Thanks for the thought. LOVE BACK to you and yours.
Sarah,
As a frequent reader of your blog, I feel as though I know your amazing family. I know you will get comfort from each other. Sending you all strength and love as you kick cancer’s butt!
Megan
Thank you so much for the loving words and fighting courage! Much love, Sarah
Fuck CANCER….you so got this team Kline. I have quietly followed your blog for a year or so now and you have upped my food game to another level. I am so sorry for this crazy news and all that it entails. I am a naturopath and acupuncturist in Portland, OR and I am so happy you are in Portland since we have some of the best cancer doctors in the country. If you need any help finding medical support or any naturopathic or acupuncturists that specialize in cancer I am happy to help! One day, one hour and sometimes one minute at a time you will get through this. Thank you for sharing with all of us and inviting us in to support you.
Ashley
Sarah: The frightening and terrible truth told with your characteristic love, beauty, and grace, and presented as if you were taking us all on your next great adventure–only the stakes are so high and we know that you know that–and we are hoping you and David and family will be victorious.
With all our love.
Dan and Julie
Just returned from Vacation ( internet too)….I just read and re- read your post. I am so sorry your husband has to go through this. Your whole family has my prayers and hopes for healing and circling each other with the power of abundant love and care. Thank you for sharing…. lots of love and strength to you and yours. Just know you are being thought of and with well wishes.
Dear Kline Family- oh dear, so sorry to hear this news. We are rooting for all of you and know that David has the best team ever. We are here any day, any time for any thing. Will reach out.
Xoxo
Mau-Lapan family
Kirsten, so good to hear from you. Thanks so much for reaching out! I thought you on March 8th — you turned the big 50, right? (sorry I didn’t get something off to you!). Love you dear girl and hope our paths cross soon! XO, Sarah
Sarah, please know that David’s name has been raised in prayer for several weeks in my church service, and also a weekly prayer circle I am in. I want to thank you for taking the time to have lunch with Lisa and I while I was in Portland this past week. It was a very special and meaningful time for me. Stay strong Sarah and keep the faith. I send my love to you, David, Oliver, and Charlotte. Love, hugs, and healing prayers for David, Greer xo