It’s with the heaviest of hearts that I have to share some incredibly sad family news with you.
Friends in the neighborhood and my Instagram followers already know this, but for the rest of you, here it is.
We had to put our beloved Bailey down this week.
He was almost thirteen and we think it was cancer that ultimately decimated him.
He’d been in ailing health for some time, but over the holidays his ability to walk became even more limited. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t get comfortable and he’d groan. A trek up or down any stairs, even just a few, was almost insurmountable and caused tremendous pain.
The vet did an ultrasound and did blood work and we hoped that it was the best-case scenario: a pinched nerve and arthritis. Unfortunately, none of the prescribed drugs and rest helped him. His health (and probably a rumor) was catching up with him.
We had New Year’s Eve plans but cancelled them not wanting to leave Bailey’s side. Charlotte made homemade confetti poppers and we sat with him and tried to make the situation merrier.
New Year’s Day he was in so much pain, we took him to Dove Lewis (a pet hospital) and waited and waited as they worked to manage his pain.
Little did we know then that the walk to the car that day was the last time he’d take a step; they gave him massive amounts of pain killers to help with his pain. We chose to bring him home. They brought him out unconscious on a gurney, and the kindly techs helped carry him into the car.
We brought him into the house still in a narcotic sleep and laid him next to the Christmas tree.
We set up a fire, and sat with him for hours before his eyes finally opened.
Oliver and I spent the night on the floor of our living room with him, holding him and whispering to him. He was no longer eating and even drinking water — lifting his head was too painful.
We held him, and reassured him all night. The next morning, Tuesday, I told David that it was time to call the company who does home euthanasia. The kids stayed home from their first day back to school, and as we waited for the vet to come to our house, we continued to lay with him and tell him how much he was loved.
Bailey didn’t move at all for hours until he finally moved his paw on Oliver’s hand.
The vet who came to the house couldn’t have been more wonderful. She was patient and kindly and she made sure we were all ready. We all opted to be with him; Oliver was nose to nose with him and David and Charlotte had their hands on his body, petting him.
I’ve always been his mom so I held him in my arms.
We brought over his favorite stuffed animal and told the vet we were ready.
It was time.
Oliver said that as soon as the sedative took hold, he broke into a smile and we all felt his body relax for the first time in days.
He took his last breath on Oliver’s face — and then he was gone.
It sounds strange but here goes. His death was so sad but so terribly beautiful, too.
It was a good death– “Thanatos”– the kind we should all have, being swallowed up by a tsunami of love and gratitude before succumbing to a mercifully quick tidal wave.
But now words elude me as I try to express the gaping hole his absence has left in our lives.
Everyone one of us is reeling — and grieving.
For me, I miss the sweet soul who was my constant companion for almost twelve years.
Not many people know this, but Bailey was a breeder’s dog who was used to sire dozens of puppies, but sadly mistreated at the same time.
Details are few, but apparently he spent the first year and a half of his life in a crate outside, not allowed to interact with other dogs and offered very little human interaction.
He was surrendered to Golden Bond (a rescue organization) by his owners, and we met him at a foster family’s home.
I was madly in love with him from the first time we met.
He was so sweet and so familiar to me, like I’d known him before.
We committed to taking Bailey and shortly after he became Oliver’s 5th birthday present and kindergarten graduation treat.
He’s been a constant fixture in our lives, and there’s a very good chance if you’ve met me or seen me anywhere in town, you’ve noticed that he’s been by my side.
If I was in the kitchen, he’d be inches away from me or just sleeping on his bed within arm’s reach.
If it wasn’t too hot, he’d always accompany me in the car on errands,
and for the six years I drove for Meals on Wheels,
he’d go on my route with me, never touching the dozens of treats, uncovered and ready for delivery, atop the front seat.
(Never once would he grab food — on a car seat, on the counter, or even on the floor unless you told him it was his for the taking.)
If I was in the shower or bath, he’d sit outside the bathroom until I came out.
We were literally inseparable except when on vacations, and now that he’s gone, I feel unmoored.
Here’s a beautiful piece of poetry someone shared with me this week; it was written by Ted Kooser, U.S. Poet Laureate and it was shared after he lost his yellow lab, Howard, at age fifteen.
Death of a Dog
The next morning I felt that our house
had been lifted away from its foundation,
during the night, and was now adrift,
though so heavy it drew a foot or more
of whatever was buoying it up, not water
but something cold and thin and clear,
silence riffling its surface as the house
began to turn on a strengthening current,
leaving, taking my wife and me with it,
and though it never occured
to me until that moment, for fifteen years
our dog had held down what we had
by pressing his belly to the floors,
his front paws, too, and with him gone
the house had begun to float out onto
emptiness, no solid ground in flight.
That’s exactly how I feel.
Adrift.
Everywhere I go, I see reminders of him.
Dog beds awaiting a soft fluffy creature. Dog bowls. Toys. Stuffies.
Even a certain fork brings back a memory.
And playing cards this week reminds me how much nicer it is when a dog is around.
And I was so sad he didn’t see that first sunrise after he left us.
These past five days without him have been dreadful.
I will just be going about my day and then I’ll see something and then just lose it remembering him and his sweet face.
Everybody loved him because he was the sweetest, purest, kindest animal I’ve ever met and he always seemed to intuit what anyone needed at any one time.
I’m so grateful, though, that we were able to give him the kind of passing he deserved– full of love, comfort and memories of our favorite times with him.
In those last few hours with him we reminisced about our lives together.
There were all those daily walks in the neighborhood and Grant Park just a few blocks away.
We told stories of all those parks we went to together.
All that time spent at Kruger’s Farm on Sauvie Island.
We remembered all those picnics we shared with him– always with something special saved for our precious pup.
And usually a snooze afterward.
We relived in words our camping adventure.
We reminisced about all those movie nights and football games in which we’d snuggle for hours on the couch.
A dog snuggle is hard to beat.
We also reminded Bailey of all those fantastic meals we shared together.
We also talked about this favorite routine we’d do with him.
Years ago we brought a pizza box home for the kids and Bailey got so excited by the idea of food deliveries that we regularly brought deliveries of food snacks to him to the door.
One of the kids would always leave the house and then arrive at the door with a warm treat.
Sometimes the snack would arrive in reserved pizza boxes
and Bailey would follow them whining until he was able to feast.
Other times the treat would just arrive at the door presented on a pretty plate
and more often than not, it would involve eggs.
And in that last hour together, our family talked a lot with Bailey about his favorite place to go.
The beach.
Twice annually for the last eight years we’d rent a beach house and go there to celebrate his birthday and half-birthday.
We’d usually stop at Dairy Queen for a blizzard on the way there and I’d often just get a scoop of soft serve or small burger, something he could share — and then wear!– after.
We took turns sharing our favorite memories of him.
Playing with him on the sand.
Chasing frisbees and birds, stopping continually for a hug.
Few things in life are more enjoyable to me than accompanying a Golden to the beach.
And we reminded Bailey of how nice those rides home were, surrounded by Oliver and Charlotte in the back seat.
So goodbye, dearest friend.
Bailey, thank you for helping me raise my babies and showing them constant love and unconditional acceptance.
Thank you for your huge role in their lives.
You brought us so much laughter, and personally you reminded me that daily joy is a conscious decision, not a privilege to be enjoyed by the precious few.
And as we go to the beach next weekend for what we’d hope would be your next birthday celebration, we’ll miss you bitterly.
Desperately.
And know that I hope wherever you are, you are happy. And whole again.
And watching out over us still.
We’ll love you forever, Bailey.
RIP. Bailey Kline, Feb. 14th, 2005 – Jan. 2, 2018.
A beautiful and honorable tribute to a very special dog…hugs and love to you and your family ♥️
Thanks, Mary Ann. Hug your own pup close– our days with these creatures are so limited.
reading this makes me relive losing my buddy, Luke, 7years ago. It feels like yesterday. I am so sorry, Sarah. My heart is broken for you and your family. Love and big hugs to all of you. Nancy
I appreciate the kind words, Nancy, and can completely relate to the ongoing grief. Thanks for chiming in.❤
There is no crying in football, but there can be crying DURING a football game when reading this lovely, heart-wrenching and totally appropriate love letter to Bailey. We feel so badly for all of you Klines who love Bailey so deeply.
He was one lucky dog to be loved and cherished by you four. You adored him and gave him your hearts and souls. And, for all the rest of us lucky to be in his orbit, we also have our happy and warm memories of a truly special dog.
Thanks for capturing the essence of a Golden so beautifully. Love you all
Dave
Most beautiful tribute. All my love to you.xo
I cried as I read your sweet tribute to Bailey. He was indeed a grand dog and I so enjoyed him
we he visited us. Hold his memory close as those souls of our pet are hallowed.
ohmygosh, Sarah. I am sobbing for you and your family and for Bailey. We too have a Golden. (our Golden, however, takes every opportunity to eat human’s food – your Meals on Wheels food would not have survived with our dog.) Beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing.
Lori, thanks for taking the time to chime in here and your sweet thoughts. Aren’t Goldens wonderful? I love all dogs but I can’t imagine anything but a golden in our home.
Sarah,
I’ll never forget the emptiness we felt after loosing our beloved Molly. The silence is pretty much unbearable. I hope each passing day gets a little lighter for you all. Bailey was loved beyond loved, and he felt it until his last breath. It’s amazing what those four legged friends bring to our lives. Beautiful tribute, Sarah.
Big hugs to your all!
Chrissy
Chrissy, you’re another dog lover extraordinaire. I know you get it. Thanks for sharing your own story. XO
Weeping. Good by Bailey. You were a peach of a pup.
Hello Sasha. I know he really loved you and you were always so kind to him, even offering to have him stay with you when we were out of town! XO. Miss you in Portland.
There is not a dry eye in our house, Sarah. Thank you for sharing this very personal story and the wonderful pictures. What a special dog Bailey was.
Hedi, thanks for popping in. Yes, so grateful to have had him in our lives. XO
My heart aches for all of you. Bailey was such a beautiful, sweet creature. We all loved him. How blessed that boy was to be a part of your loving family.
You gave him such a full, wonderful life.
All our beloved Dogs – Rascal, Butterscotch, Channny, Rufus, Sadie, Summer , Daisy …. are up there to greet him with wagging tails and tennis balls.
We love you all and send you big hugs.
Thanks, Polly. I love the idea of all our dogs reunited in heaven, romping, playing, snacking, snuggling. XO
What a beautiful love letter to Bailey. My heart goes out to all of you. He was lucky to be a part of such a loving family.
Hello Leah. Thanks for piping in here. It felt like a love letter as I wrote it — I was absolutely MAD for that guy and so grateful that he helped me raise my babies and helped to make them more loving, empathetic, compassionate people. XO
What a lovely, moving tribute. I am so very sorry for the pain you all feel. I share both your sorrow in your loss and your gratitude for having shared a life with such a special member of the family.
Linda, thank you so much. Sounds like you know of which I speak. From one dog lover to another, a big hug to you.
Oh, Sarah, my daughter and I are in tears, reading your lovely tribute to Bailey and looking at these photos. I am so glad your family and Bailey found each other and brought one another so much joy. And I’m terribly, terribly sorry for your loss of that sweet and loving little fellow.
Thanks, Connie. All this love is so valuable and comforting during this sad, sad time. XO
Your sweet Bailey was so loved and valued. Missing my pup as I read this. How lucky we were to have such unconditional love.
Teresa, so painful, right? Yes, he was. Sorry about your pup 🙁
Oh Sarah, I’m a wreck reading your beautiful tribute to sweet Bailey. Max and I send our best thoughts to you and Oliver and the family. It is an immeasurable loss. He lived like a king thanks to you and you gave him a good passing. Such a sweet, completely friendly boy. It was just a few weeks ago that Finn was harassing him in the park and he was so sweet about it…..I miss him already. You are all in our thoughts…
Barb, thanks so much for your condolences and kind words. I’m bereft but so grateful we were with him in the end. I miss him terribly!
Dear Sarah,
Walt and I are so sorry you lost your Bailey. We lost our 11 yr old Golden last Nov 30 and, as I read your tribute, it was as if I had written it. So many memories. I held our new little Golden, Packer, close as I cried while reading about Bailey and remembering our Allie. Thank-you for sharing. We are heart-broken with you and understand your grief. There’s nothing like the sweet spirit of a Golden!
Hi Sandi!
I’m so glad that I got to meet your Allie this summer on the float boat night and my condolences to you — what a sweet soul! Thanks for chiming in with your own story and update. I hope to meet Packer one day! Love to Walk and kiss that puppy for me.
Lovely tribute. I am convinced there is a heaven for animals. There they are never hungry, always whole and strong, with beaches and trails to run on, smells to investigate, and always anticipation and joy at the next adventure. RIP Bailey and all our beloved animal children.
Gail, I sure hope you’re right, and my dog is frolicking with all those other sweet souls who’ve already passed. In Bailey’s heaven I hope there are steaks, roast salmon, fresh cheddar biscuits and an endless parade of loving arms.
Bailey was truly a wonderful being. We couldn’t help but feel positivity when he was near. Our hearts go out to you. May you have a rich remembrance and healthy family time at the beach.
Love and Hugs
Thanks, Jill. As a another dog lover, I know you “get” it. Love to you and yours.
Paws prints on our hearts will always remain. The heartache is so strong you feel your eyes will never see clearly again through the tears. Happily, I’ve had the good fortune to share my (long) life with many sweet four legged companions. All have been rescues from different situations. Giving each of them a loving, giving, good home has always been our goal. Hopefully they knew the love we had and still have for each of them. I hope that in the future you all be able to save another sweet soul. To show him or her that life with the Kline family is a good life. I think Bailey would agree.
What a lovely note — thanks so much for taking the time out. Paw prints on your heart is such an interesting and appropriate way of looking at it. Thanks for being another soul who sees the value in dogs with a history and even a checkered past — I swear their gratitude pervades all they do and are. One day I will hope to open up our homes and hearts to another dog… but for now, embracing both the sorrow and the bittersweetness of the current moment. Hugs to another dog lover!
Hope your tears will soon turn into smiles, every time you remember sweet Bailey.
Many hugs to you as well.
Oh my, it’s difficult to write while crying. I am so sorry Sarah. Thank you for sharing a fantastic love letter to a most wonderful pal. Could not help but think of when we lost our golden, Bob, to cancer 21 months ago. Our hearts still ache. Sending love and bigs hugs to you all.
Joan, thanks for chiming in. Love letter? I love that. That’s what it felt like writing it as Bailey really was a great love of mine, and I miss him terribly. My heart goes out to you as I’m sure Bob was also a wonderful dog. Sending big hugs back.
That was a beautiful tribute. He certainly had the best life of any dog in the world once he became a Kline. Sweet Bailey. Wishing you all much peace and comfort during these days.
Alicia, I know you know all too well how deep the sorrow can be for a cherished pet. XO to you and the gang.
You have so eloquently expressed the beauty and the pain of this moment. I will fondly remember Bailey nosing me for attention while sitting at your island, the adoration with which he looked at you (he LOVED his mama!!) and his gentle loving presence in your home. XO
Thanks, pal. I know that he always loved seeing you — he always able to intuit who was on Team Dog and he’d gravitate toward them first. XO
Oh Sarah,
No better Family for Bailey than yours. No better. He touched my heart too. He will remain there. You and your family were his center. I know this sounds a bit different, but I do have a number for a NE Portland psychic who specializes in pets. She is remarkable. Love you and I am truly sorry for your pain.
Dale, thanks for the check in. Interesting idea about the psychic — I’ll have to noodle that one and see how I feel about exploring that avenue. Love to you.
What wonderful memories and incredible tribute. That picture of him at the beach standing alone is amazing. He was so lucky to have you and you him in your family. I wish for that someday in my life. Love to you and your family !!
-Linda
Thanks, Linda. Our hearts are aching but there’s been so much love around us. XO
Oh Sarah—- I just tear up and have you and your beautiful family in my thoughts and my prayers. I have loved Bailey pictures and the wonderful adventures you all had.i am so very sorry. The tribute you share is so touching -real- and raw. I do ache for you. We are Dog/pet peeps and we are saddened for your loss. You will be Loving Bailey forever in your hearts.
I am at a loss on what to say….what a painful moment at the end of an incredible relationship. Bailey was so lucky to find you and your family….what amazing memories for your kids to have forever. We send our love, and hope the pangs are soon replaced by a warm feeling and a smile on your face at all the recollections.
Such a beautiful tribute and lovely photos. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Megan — we miss him so much.
What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful dog. Time will help ease your broken hearts, but not the lovely memories. Bailey was a lucky guy!!
Cynthia, thanks so much for the sweet note. He was lucky, but we were blessed. Cheers.
Sending sympathies. I can just imagine the void our Molly would leave behind. It is clear Bailey received so much love and I love your traditions of beach visits/ice cream with him and pizza box deliveries. Lucky guy!
So glad you got to have such a wonderful pet companion.
Thanks, Tia. Everywhere I go people share with me memories either of Bailey or their own dogs, and each encounter touches me deeply. I miss him terribly, but so grateful of our time together. Hug your Molly from me!
I am so sorry Sarah to learn of your family’s loss.
Leonardo, thanks so much. I’m so grateful of you taking the time to chime in. Hugs.
Oh sarah im crying as i know how your feeling .the best loyal friend a person can have .i lost my dog a few yrs ago and the house just wasnt the same we have just got another dog and hes brought that missing something back into our home .big big hugs to you .iff i lived nearer id make you a cake and give it you with a hug 😘
Michelle, you’re the sweetest. Your virtual cake was delivered and so appreciated. XO